Speaking The Truth Helps You Heal!

Do you find yourself in circumstances where it’s hard to speak up and say what you really feel?

Are you stuffing down feelings of resentment, frustration and anger as a result? Well, here’s a news flash… those suppressed emotions are negatively impacting your health. 

As I continue on my healing journey I have been “the observer” noticing how much energy I expend when I don’t speak up for myself. And how that energy becomes negative and is turned inwards, attacking me. 

Recently, Jim and I went to dinner at a restaurant in celebration of a girlfriend’s birthday. I don’t drink alcohol or eat sugar or carbs – so that makes me a pretty cheap date.

We had brought bottles of champagne for the table and gifts for the birthday girl. At the end of the meal, several guests left before the bill arrived and put some money on the table to cover their dinner. After the bill arrived, one of the guests who had liberally consumed wine and cocktails and desert grabbed it and said: “So we’ll all split this and share the tab for the birthday girl. That will be $55.00 each.”

I had eaten a $20.00 meal; Jim had spent $30.00 and we were now being asked to pay an extra $60.00. I felt the familiar frustration building. I resented these group dinners or dinner dates in which we invariably

ended up subsidizing other people’s choices. This was a pet peeve of mine as Jim who hates “haggling” always insisted on “going along” with it.

The birthday celebration with gifts and champagne was costing us over $200.00. That wasn’t a CHOICE I had made or within my budget. My mind chatter began and I felt resentment building.

Five minutes went by in which people dug into their purses and wallets and put money on the table. Somehow when the total was tallied up, there was the inevitable shortfall. Recounting and tabulating began but the shortfall was still there and no one stepped forward. As usual, Jim gallantly came to the rescue and asked me for our credit card. This was the signal that we were going to pick up the extra cost and settle all the haggling.

I couldn’t help myself. “No.” I said.

Jim started to argue with me.

“No” I said louder.

“We spent $50.00 on dinner between the two of us and I’m more than happy to pay our share for the birthday girl but I don’t want to pick up the tab for everyone else!”

Silence as everyone looked at me. Jim started to protest.

“No.” I said for the third time. “I just think it’s fairer if each of us is responsible for what we ordered and I’ll be happy to work it out for you.”

I took the bill out of his hands and started going round the table, calculating their bills and adding an amount for the birthday girl. It took 10 minutes and it was done. There were people at the table who didn’t look thrilled that they suddenly had to put an extra $25.00 on the table. But the bill was paid.

Perhaps there were people who thought I “spoiled the birthday party” by speaking up as Jim said later. But I honestly didn’t care. I felt a surge of freedom for finally speaking up and acknowledging how I felt rather than just going along with it and being filled with resentment.

Now, I bring up the question of how the bill is going to be paid for at the outset of the meal and establish some ground rules. We all know where we stand and can make our choices accordingly. I get to choose if I want to pick up the tab or split the bill or just pay my share.

I can make choices that work for me and my finances and not have them imposed on me because I’m afraid of making waves.

Where in your life are you not speaking the truth and what is it costing you? 

Let me hear from you!